I am sitting at home instead of with all of you because I am sad that if I had invited you instead, you wouldn't have come. So, instead of just being with you, I am just being with me. No Kitty, no roommate, no Death, no Poofer, no Mommy. No excuse, no work.
I am sitting at home instead of your home because you don't want me there.
I am sitting at home instead of not sitting at home because at the funeral, she said, "She sent her Surprise boxes to make it evident that we were in her thoughts."
I want it to be evident that I am in your thoughts.
It's not too much, I've decided, it's just me.
I can't ask you to change because it makes me feel worse.
youcanlaugh
aspinelesslaugh
wehopethatyourrulesandwisdomchokeyou
nowweareone
ineverlastingpeace
Sunday, April 30, 2006
Pooped Out
After signing into my Google home page, I took a look at one of the sections, "'How-to' of the Day," for which the first listing was "How to Stop Cutting Yourself." Ladies and Gents, it's no joke. I wonder if it reaches anyone whom it may help.
Anyways...
I had a long day yesterday, and another today. Catering, babysitting, and then falling asleep at Roommate's. Today: catering at 9am, having to unload 40 chairs from the truck because my coworker is an older woman, having to load 40 chairs onto the truck because my coworker is an elderly woman, and returning to the shop, only to find that it is closed. Jamal instructed me to go buy a padlock to lock the truck, which I did, and then I took home all of the leftover sandwiches. Now I am at home, I have showered, and I have 32 turkey-cranberry-sauce-on-wheat finger sandwiches.
Now, if I only had HBO (so as to watch Sopranos in bed with all of my sandwiches), I would be in heaven. At least I have taken off tomorrow from school.
I miss Mister. He pays a lot of attention to me, and I to him.
Anyways...
I had a long day yesterday, and another today. Catering, babysitting, and then falling asleep at Roommate's. Today: catering at 9am, having to unload 40 chairs from the truck because my coworker is an older woman, having to load 40 chairs onto the truck because my coworker is an elderly woman, and returning to the shop, only to find that it is closed. Jamal instructed me to go buy a padlock to lock the truck, which I did, and then I took home all of the leftover sandwiches. Now I am at home, I have showered, and I have 32 turkey-cranberry-sauce-on-wheat finger sandwiches.
Now, if I only had HBO (so as to watch Sopranos in bed with all of my sandwiches), I would be in heaven. At least I have taken off tomorrow from school.
I miss Mister. He pays a lot of attention to me, and I to him.
Saturday, April 29, 2006
Three Hour Nap
Yessir, that is what I did today. I left work early because Mike didn't actually make it to school after his mom's wedding rehearsal dinner, so I just sat around and read The Penelopiad by Margaret Atwood. Tay and I are going to start reading the 4th book in the Lemony Snicket series though. I have to catch up to chapter 5 this weekend. I booked Erin tonight, so we went to see the end of Sustaining. I suppose we were a bit too casually late, because as we arrived, they had been shut down by the police for a noise complaint. Shor did grace me with the beginning of "Everything in its right place" as I was leaving. No throwing up tonight. That's the end of that. Time for me to clean up and prepare for some Fear Factor (only on at 3am now).
Currently on rotation:
I'm Going Down Mary J. Blige*
More Than a Love Song Augustana
We've Got Tonight Bob Seager
*I had to listen, because on my way to the 46th St. subway tonight, I walked by a Unisex Salon (still open at 9pm on Friday night). There were about 10-15 teenagers standing beneath the entrance light, listening to one girl throw down her version of Mary J, and she was awesome. It was so WPhil, so back in the day. I felt like such a voyeur.
Currently on rotation:
I'm Going Down Mary J. Blige*
More Than a Love Song Augustana
We've Got Tonight Bob Seager
*I had to listen, because on my way to the 46th St. subway tonight, I walked by a Unisex Salon (still open at 9pm on Friday night). There were about 10-15 teenagers standing beneath the entrance light, listening to one girl throw down her version of Mary J, and she was awesome. It was so WPhil, so back in the day. I felt like such a voyeur.
Friday, April 28, 2006
Maybe you don't know...
that sometimes you act like her mother, instead of her friend -- and not the way that I am FranMom, but the way that is like Overbearing-Backseatdriver-You'll-understand-when-you're-older Mom. We are all competent. We are all living and learning.
Also, last night was amazing. I drank 2 Golden Monkeys, now the bain of my existance, and gracefully threw up in the middle of the bar WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING. That was so weird. Then, the guy whom I had asked to draw my portrait with my icky face (tongue sticking out, one eye scrunched) started making my face at me. It was at that moment that I told Joe we had to leave.
Also, last night was amazing. I drank 2 Golden Monkeys, now the bain of my existance, and gracefully threw up in the middle of the bar WITHOUT ANYONE NOTICING. That was so weird. Then, the guy whom I had asked to draw my portrait with my icky face (tongue sticking out, one eye scrunched) started making my face at me. It was at that moment that I told Joe we had to leave.
Wednesday, April 26, 2006
ISO
I don't remember who it was the other day who asked the group, "What does 'ISO' stand for?" To which Hobag and I replied, almost in unison, "In Search Of."
This is the vocabulary of a particular group of single college grads. The grammar is comprised of life-shaping lists, verbs derived from nouns, and questions with no answers.
My ISO:
Someone who...
can do the crossword as a team
will eat all-you-can-eat buffet
sings at the top of their lungs in the middle of the bar
will notice if I am not happy
will squeeze my hand at just the right moment, or any moment
appreciates etiquette
works hard
attempts to plan
makes me feel special (cliche, I know), rather than routine
will not make me feel silly for reading children's books
wants to walk instead of drive
will teach me things that I cannot find in books.
I think that's it for now.
This is the vocabulary of a particular group of single college grads. The grammar is comprised of life-shaping lists, verbs derived from nouns, and questions with no answers.
My ISO:
Someone who...
can do the crossword as a team
will eat all-you-can-eat buffet
sings at the top of their lungs in the middle of the bar
will notice if I am not happy
will squeeze my hand at just the right moment, or any moment
appreciates etiquette
works hard
attempts to plan
makes me feel special (cliche, I know), rather than routine
will not make me feel silly for reading children's books
wants to walk instead of drive
will teach me things that I cannot find in books.
I think that's it for now.
Tuesday, April 25, 2006
To my nearest and dearest:
You will never know my deepest, darkest me, because I am afraid that you will judge me beyond my level of toleration. You almost already do. All of your advice I take to heart, and it makes me and breaks me, and if you really knew, you would be sad. I want to tell you everything, but that makes me crazy to you and then I find another body to sponge me up, then it explodes. So, in her words,
You'll say you understand
But you don't understand
You'll say you'll never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie
You'll never touch these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown to you
In conclusion, this is why I can have "those" relationships, despite the fact that they make me swell and burst, and why "these" are the ones that provide me with chronic arthritis.
You'll say you understand
But you don't understand
You'll say you'll never give up seeing eye to eye
But never is a promise and you can't afford to lie
You'll never touch these things that I hold
The skin of my emotions lies beneath my own
You'll never feel the heat of this soul
My fever burns me deeper than I've ever shown to you
In conclusion, this is why I can have "those" relationships, despite the fact that they make me swell and burst, and why "these" are the ones that provide me with chronic arthritis.
Stupid sleep
Surprise... I am an eternal optimist. You wouldn't always know it. I sometimes try to hide it. It's that whole if-I-want-less-I-will-be-happier-with-what-I-have thing. I dunno. Sometimes it works. I sometimes deliberately leave my monitor on so that gmail may catch my eye as it rises and falls in the corner of my screen, tempting me with a snippet of something. This is what caught me tonight:
Sustaining Simple says, "Goodbye, we'll see you in Hell"...
and
Jourdan would like to be added as one of your friends...
Both were long-lost contacts. Of course, even with my blurry evening eyesight, I could read that, and I had to get up to see what it was. Apparently Sustaining Simple is dying this weekend, and Jourdan R. has resurrected himself on myspace, where he has created a digital tie with the minor celebrity, Dottie O of Newark/Glen Ridge fame, who has recently linked up with one of the Kevins, rekindling an MKA flame. I half find it cute, half vomit. Anyway, now I can't sleep, and the hours until I must rise for work (6:30ish) are quickly depleting. Blah. Commere. Entertain me. I miss you. I miss my Mister Kitty.
Sustaining Simple says, "Goodbye, we'll see you in Hell"...
and
Jourdan would like to be added as one of your friends...
Both were long-lost contacts. Of course, even with my blurry evening eyesight, I could read that, and I had to get up to see what it was. Apparently Sustaining Simple is dying this weekend, and Jourdan R. has resurrected himself on myspace, where he has created a digital tie with the minor celebrity, Dottie O of Newark/Glen Ridge fame, who has recently linked up with one of the Kevins, rekindling an MKA flame. I half find it cute, half vomit. Anyway, now I can't sleep, and the hours until I must rise for work (6:30ish) are quickly depleting. Blah. Commere. Entertain me. I miss you. I miss my Mister Kitty.
Monday, April 17, 2006
When was my last best...
meal?
The first time Kit and I went to Majestic Buffet for dinner. Fried salt and pepper shrimp. Dragon roll. Xi mi yu tou. Cold jellyfish. Beef on stick.
kiss?
That time I was in your room and I shivered afterwards. You didn't, but I did.
crush?
Ahhh... not many months ago there was a pretty good one, but I would say that before that, my favorite and most memorable was back in the day of Landua and his skateboard. What a dork I am.
breakup?
I am sure that this will be my best breakup forever in my life. We were on the way to the airport. Conversation was not our priority in that early morning. As we pulled up to your stop, I said, "Have a good vacation." You replied, "You too." "I'll see you around." "Yeah." No extraneous words, no unrequited feelings.
run?
Spring track, Colonial Hills Conference, junior year (?). I felt like an old fart, running the mile with a bunch of froshies and sophomores. It seems as though each year weeded out a few more runners from returning. I ran an even race, keeping my pace and not trying to expend too much energy in the first 800, but I really picked it up from the middle of the pack around the 1000 mark, and caught up to the girl lumbering around 8th/9th place. Three of us were close then, one girl edged quickly ahead, spurred on by the sudden competition. Big Girl and I ran next to eachother for the last 200, hugging that curve without squeezing eachother, and at the finish line, we were both huffing (well, mine has always been more of a rhythmic wheezing that sounds like the asthma that I don't have), and I leaned her out! Her coach was at the sideline next to mine, and as mine was congratulating my lean, hers was berating her for letting my torso beat hers. Ha ha.
game?
Senior year high school, last regular season field hockey game. Everyone was pulling so hard to rally, for the best possible end to the best season in years. We lost. Practically everyone was crying. Then we had to ride the bus home, with everyone bitching at everyone else. But it was the best.
party?
Our summer party in the 3941 Chestnut Brothel! I was the house Madame. I can hear our Southern Belle now: "Am I a tease?" and I replied in my head, "Yes, but only until the lights are off." Mudslides, Coladas, and slushie everythings. Honey Brown bottles. People everywhere. I don't even remember if I had a hookup that night. No doubt it must have been unmemorable, if it did exist. Sorry bub. I vaguely remember my home fries driving down for the fiesta. Pancake breakfast! That was the best. I miss being the house mom.
The first time Kit and I went to Majestic Buffet for dinner. Fried salt and pepper shrimp. Dragon roll. Xi mi yu tou. Cold jellyfish. Beef on stick.
kiss?
That time I was in your room and I shivered afterwards. You didn't, but I did.
crush?
Ahhh... not many months ago there was a pretty good one, but I would say that before that, my favorite and most memorable was back in the day of Landua and his skateboard. What a dork I am.
breakup?
I am sure that this will be my best breakup forever in my life. We were on the way to the airport. Conversation was not our priority in that early morning. As we pulled up to your stop, I said, "Have a good vacation." You replied, "You too." "I'll see you around." "Yeah." No extraneous words, no unrequited feelings.
run?
Spring track, Colonial Hills Conference, junior year (?). I felt like an old fart, running the mile with a bunch of froshies and sophomores. It seems as though each year weeded out a few more runners from returning. I ran an even race, keeping my pace and not trying to expend too much energy in the first 800, but I really picked it up from the middle of the pack around the 1000 mark, and caught up to the girl lumbering around 8th/9th place. Three of us were close then, one girl edged quickly ahead, spurred on by the sudden competition. Big Girl and I ran next to eachother for the last 200, hugging that curve without squeezing eachother, and at the finish line, we were both huffing (well, mine has always been more of a rhythmic wheezing that sounds like the asthma that I don't have), and I leaned her out! Her coach was at the sideline next to mine, and as mine was congratulating my lean, hers was berating her for letting my torso beat hers. Ha ha.
game?
Senior year high school, last regular season field hockey game. Everyone was pulling so hard to rally, for the best possible end to the best season in years. We lost. Practically everyone was crying. Then we had to ride the bus home, with everyone bitching at everyone else. But it was the best.
party?
Our summer party in the 3941 Chestnut Brothel! I was the house Madame. I can hear our Southern Belle now: "Am I a tease?" and I replied in my head, "Yes, but only until the lights are off." Mudslides, Coladas, and slushie everythings. Honey Brown bottles. People everywhere. I don't even remember if I had a hookup that night. No doubt it must have been unmemorable, if it did exist. Sorry bub. I vaguely remember my home fries driving down for the fiesta. Pancake breakfast! That was the best. I miss being the house mom.
Sunday, April 16, 2006
oh you're so trendy i want to throw up
on you.
arctic monkeys. americorps. andy milonakis. wearing tan uggs with minis...still. diets named after people or places. the editors. illegal mexicans who act like americans with rights, but are really illegal mexicans. guys who walk their dogs so they can watch girls bend over and coo. tom cruise. jennifer aniston acting in anything that is not called friends. being a paralegal. fake retro tshirts. wearing two polo shirts at the same time. three-day concert events. hips don't lie. turning casual friday into casual thursdayfriday. sonya kitchell. l&o and all of your spinoffs.
that doesn't mean i hate you.
but it probably does.
arctic monkeys. americorps. andy milonakis. wearing tan uggs with minis...still. diets named after people or places. the editors. illegal mexicans who act like americans with rights, but are really illegal mexicans. guys who walk their dogs so they can watch girls bend over and coo. tom cruise. jennifer aniston acting in anything that is not called friends. being a paralegal. fake retro tshirts. wearing two polo shirts at the same time. three-day concert events. hips don't lie. turning casual friday into casual thursdayfriday. sonya kitchell. l&o and all of your spinoffs.
that doesn't mean i hate you.
but it probably does.
Tuesday, April 11, 2006
Things People Have Said to Me
"Are you pregnant?"
"Your hair looks nappy."
"I'm 32, but five years ago I died, so I'm actually 27."
"I'd like to save the world's forests."
"Stop killing my buzz!"
"Isn't that your little sister?" [motioning to Kit]
"Is your name Mrs. Teletubby?"
"Men don't use lotion."
"Your hair looks nappy."
"I'm 32, but five years ago I died, so I'm actually 27."
"I'd like to save the world's forests."
"Stop killing my buzz!"
"Isn't that your little sister?" [motioning to Kit]
"Is your name Mrs. Teletubby?"
"Men don't use lotion."
Sunday, April 09, 2006
Attila the Hun
Last night I met Attila the Hun at Millcreek Tavern. He was very polite about telling me that I was very attractive, and that my parents created a beautiful combination. [wretch, but gentlemanly] Mind you, I was having an ugly day yesterday, not having dried my hair after swimming and wearing my basketball team shirt and almost too-white jeans. I told him that I was waiting for someone, though I was not, and proceded to sit at the bar and stare at the wall.
This is the best part. He told me that he was in town talking to publishers about the book he had finished while living in Atlanta. I engaged him. I asked him what it was about.
This is what he said:
"A little telekinetics, a bit of metaphysics, and some psychology. But I don't want to let out too much until I'm sure the book is a go."
I lost a winner that evening.
This is the best part. He told me that he was in town talking to publishers about the book he had finished while living in Atlanta. I engaged him. I asked him what it was about.
This is what he said:
"A little telekinetics, a bit of metaphysics, and some psychology. But I don't want to let out too much until I'm sure the book is a go."
I lost a winner that evening.
Friday, April 07, 2006
dirty dream
i had some kind of dirty dream 2 nights ago.
actually, i can't tell you. i thought it would make me feel better to relieve myself on my blog, but i told erin and now i just want to keep it to myself.
let's just say that it was inappropriate.
actually, i can't tell you. i thought it would make me feel better to relieve myself on my blog, but i told erin and now i just want to keep it to myself.
let's just say that it was inappropriate.
Tuesday, April 04, 2006
My Life in Songs
EGo recently did this meme. I don't usually copy like this, but my brain is fried from being a Tuesday Bum.
Go into your music player of choice (with the most songs) and shuffle the list. Answer the following questions with the song titles, using them in order.
How does the world see me?
Song: K's Choice, "Everything for Free"
Comments: I feel more like SuperWalmart sometimes.
Will I have a happy life?
Song: Ours, "Miseryhead"
Comments: It could have been worse, I guess.
What do my friends really think of me?
Song: Queen, "Bicycle Race"
Comments: This is an apt selection.
Do people secretly lust after me?
Song: Tears for Fears, "Shout"
Comments: I guess not...maybe?
How can I make myself happy?
Song: GnR, "Sweet Child of Mine"
Comments: I reminisce.
What should I do with my life?
Song: Black Label Society, "In this River"
Comments: Quite uplifting.
Why should life be full of so much pain?
Song: Dinosaur Jr., "Just Like Heaven"
Comments: Ah, something to look forward to. Actually, this sounds like a few years of my life already.
How can I maximize my pleasure during sex?
Song: Notorious B.I.G., "Notorious"
Comments: Go ahead.
Will I ever have children?
Song: Youssou N'Dour and Cannibus, "How Come"
Comments: I'm not really sure of this message.
Will I die happy?
Song: LL Cool J, "I Need Love"
Comments: Well, no shit.
What is some good advice for me?
Song: Zapp and Roger, "Computer Love"
Comments: Why, is that your face I see on the computer screen? Hobag, Roommate and I already tried this. I met a really nice guy on Rants and Raves, but he ended up being very serious about dating. I figure he must have been a midget or something.
What is happiness?
Song: Brandi Carlile, "Throw It All Away"
Comments: Yes.
What is my favorite fetish?
Song: La Ley, "Sin tu Amor"
Comments: In some weird way, I think this is right on the money.
How will I be remembered?
Song: Scorpions, "Rock You Like a Hurricane"
Comments: I would like this. Bombastic, energetic, wild, natural and real. Something all crazy like that. Dunno.
Monday, April 03, 2006
Lessons My Father Taught Me: 02
"You open a door, you close a door."
How many times did I endure that message. Let's see what else can be turned on/off or opened/closed...
lights
television
cabinets
drawers
packages of food
windows
radio
computers
car locks
car windows
closets
Now, this rule applied to me, definitely, but ask me if my dad ever had every tv or radio in each room of the house on so that he could hear Rush Limbaugh as he went from upstairs to down.
How many times did I endure that message. Let's see what else can be turned on/off or opened/closed...
lights
television
cabinets
drawers
packages of food
windows
radio
computers
car locks
car windows
closets
Now, this rule applied to me, definitely, but ask me if my dad ever had every tv or radio in each room of the house on so that he could hear Rush Limbaugh as he went from upstairs to down.
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